


what's in a name (i still remain the same)

by LovelyLessie



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:02:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23530531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyLessie/pseuds/LovelyLessie
Summary: A late night conversation between Pidge and Shiro, on names, identity, and people understanding each other. (An improved version of how Shiro tells Pidge he knows her name.)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	what's in a name (i still remain the same)

She’s already found a hiding place for when she can’t sleep, where an alcove off some kind of big library leads to a sheltered balcony with a view of the stars. It’s small, and quiet, and hard to see, and even if that Allura girl probably knows where it is, the more important thing is that Lance and Hunk  _ don’t.  _

She sets up her radio and puts on her headphones, but tonight she doesn’t pull up any of the reception data on her laptop screen, just listens to the quiet static of distant radio chatter in the far reaches of space and the low hum of EM waves rolling off of the next closest stars. Weirdly, even if now she knows what she does about these guys trying to conquer the universe, listening in on the diffused reflections of alien space communications has become a kind of comfort on the nights when she can’t stop thinking. At least it’s something to do, keep half an ear out for any hint of information that might be important, record what she does pick up so she can look back at it later and pinpoint any fragment that could be a clue. 

With a sigh, she closes her eyes and leans back against the cool stone wall, taking off her glasses to rub her face with one hand. It’s been kind of a harrowing day, which must be why she can’t get her thoughts to quiet down. Between training for combat and learning to pilot her lion, she’s exhausted, but all this team building work they keep doing has been putting her on edge, especially when she remembers that to form Voltron, they’re all supposed to be so in sync it’s like sharing each other’s thoughts. 

She hunches her shoulders and shoves her hands in the pockets of her sweatshirt, running her thumb along the edge of the photograph tucked in on one side. She’s been keeping it on her all the time now, since everyone seems to wanna see it so bad. She knows Hunk’s a great guy, and Keith and Shiro both seem pretty okay, but she doesn’t trust Lance not to go rifling through her stuff if he gets the idea in his head to spy on her. 

When she hears the knocking sound, at first she thinks it’s in her headphones, some kind of signal or stellar interference her receiver picks up as a dull  _ tock-tock-tock _ . It’s not until she hears it a second time that she opens her eyes and sits up, hastily shoving her glasses back on her face as she looks over her shoulder to see Shiro standing in the open doorway, his hand still raised to tap on the wall again. 

“Oh,” she says, embarrassed, and takes off her headphones. “Uh, did - did you need me for something, sir?” 

“Just wanted to see how you were doing,” Shiro says, folding his hands behind his back. “Mind if I sit down?” 

“N-no, I, um, go ahead,” she says, moving her things to the side. “I mean, it’s not like it‘s just for me, or anything!” 

He sits down on the ground a few feet away from her. “You’re up late,” he says. “Trouble sleeping?” 

“Guess so,” she replies, and laughs nervously. 

“I don’t blame you,” he says. “I know there must be a lot on your mind.”

A moment passes in silence, and she swallows hard, watching Shiro out of the corner of her eye. She hasn’t really been sure how to act around their commander since she told him who her family was, doesn’t know if they would ever have mentioned her, let alone what they would have said, and she doesn’t want to let anything slip that the others might catch. 

“So, um,” she manages finally, “was there something you needed to talk to me about, or…?” 

Shiro frowns, his brows drawing tightly together. “Actually,” he says, “I wanted to ask you something.” 

She nods quickly, her heart pounding so hard in her throat she can’t form words to respond. 

He takes a deep breath and hesitates, bracing his arms across his knees as he looks over at her. Finally, he says, “Your dad and brother, they… never mentioned your name. Sam didn’t say he had another son.”

She hunches her shoulders, looking away so he can’t see the look on her face. 

“Talked a lot about his daughter, though,” Shiro continues. “Katie.”

The sound of her name feels like a punch in the chest, and she can’t stop herself from making a sound, choked off in her throat. 

“That’s you, right?” he asks. 

She nods, and opens her mouth to speak, but her voice comes out like a squeak. Her vision blurs and she blinks rapidly, willing the tears to disappear. She’s not gonna cry in front of her new commander like some stupid kid. She’s  _ not.  _

“I’m - sorry,” he says. “I don’t mean - I didn’t want to upset you. I just -“ 

“No, no,” she says, shaking her head, “it’s okay! It’s just - been a while since anyone called me that.” Her voice is shaking; she takes a deep breath to steady it, looking over at him with the best smile she can muster. “Well, a year isn’t really that long, I guess, but it sure feels like a while. A-And, I mean, it’s not like there’s anything wrong with the name Pidge! It’s fine, I don’t mind it, really! I wouldn’t have picked a name I didn’t like, it’s just - just -“ 

“You’re rambling,” Shiro says gently, his brows drawing together. 

She laughs weakly and swallows, a lump in her throat. “Y-Yeah, I guess I am, huh?” she manages, and feels a tear roll down the side of her nose. “Shhh - um, _quiznak -“_ she stammers, taking her glasses off to scrub at her eyes. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t - know why -“ 

“It’s okay,” Shiro says, reaching out a hand, and then hesitates, his fingers hovering over her shoulder. “I didn’t mean to put any pressure on you, Pidge. I shouldn’t have pried.” 

“N-no, it’s okay,” she insists again. “I - I guess I shoulda known they would have - I mean, Matt and I were pretty close as kids, you know? Even if he was too busy having adventures up there to miss me, they must have told stories in your time off or something.” She sniffles and puts her glasses back on, looking down at her hands. “I probably shoulda told you sooner, but I figured you wouldn’t put the pieces together, I mean, until I said they’re my family, since I, I don’t really look much like a girl anymore now - now that I…” 

She trails off, rubbing the back of her neck, unsure how much she should say. Shiro opens his mouth and closes it again, letting his hand settle on her arm instead. 

“Sorry,” she says again, and bites her lip to keep it from trembling. 

“You don’t need to apologize,” Shiro says, and glances down, his mouth tightening as he thinks. “What… do you want me to call you now?”

“I don’t know,” she admits. “I mean, like I said, I don’t mind being called Pidge. And I - I don’t know if I want the others to know I’m…” She’s not sure how to finish, not sure what it is she’s so afraid of them knowing. Maybe they’d accept a girl being on the team - well, at least Hunk would, and probably Keith, too. But even back home, when everyone knew her as a girl, she didn’t exactly go around telling people she was trans.

“I won’t say anything to them,” Shiro says, unexpectedly solemn. “Coming out is a personal decision, and I don’t want to put you in a difficult position.”

She blinks at him, surprised. “But, to form Voltron…”

“We’ve already gotten a  _ lot _ better at forming Voltron,” he reminds her with a faint smile. “I know it must be pretty scary, thinking of everyone being in your head, though.” He looks away with an awkward chuckle. “I guess for me, it helps to think that if we’re really so in sync that our minds are like one… maybe we can also understand each other a little better, and see past our differences to what we all share.”

“You really think so?” she asks, her voice trembling. 

“I can’t say I know how this works any more than you do,” he replies. “But I hope so. And if these lions really choose their pilots like our Altean friends say… well, I’d like to think maybe they know what they’re doing.”

She laughs at that, really laughs, and feels a little of the weight lift off from her shoulders. “Yeah,” she says, “I guess you’re right.”

“But don’t worry, Pidge,” he says as he gets to his feet. “Your secret’s safe with me. And if you ever decide you do want to tell the others, I’m right behind you.” 

“Thanks, Commander,” she says, grinning up at him. “That means a lot to me.” 

He nods and waves. “You should try to get some sleep,” he reminds her gently as he turns towards the door. “We’re going to have plenty of work to do tomorrow, and I need my team in top form.”

“Yes, sir,” she agrees, and starts to pack up her equipment. As the door opens, something else occurs to her, and she sits upright again, looking over her shoulder. “Hey, Shiro?”

“Hm?” he answers, looking back with a slight frown. 

She runs a hand through her uneven hair, looking away. “Um,” she manages, more to the ground than to him, “I just - wanted to say that, uh - you don’t have to, or anything, but when no one else is around, if - if you  _ want _ to call me Katie, that’s - that’s okay, too.”

“Alright,” he agrees, his furrowed brow giving way to a smile. “I’ll see you in the morning, Katie.”

“Bright and early,” she agrees, and as she finishes putting her things in their cases and starts down the hall to her room, she thinks it’s the first time since she joined the academy she’s actually felt like herself.

**Author's Note:**

> (AN: I specifically tried when writing this to make sure Shiro could still say "they'd be proud of you, Katie" in their canon conversation, but having already talked to her about knowing and asked which name she prefers.)


End file.
